


Tony Stark:  Pumptrepreneur

by Velvet-Muffin (MischaBea)



Series: Mission Universe [18]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, but I'm posting it anyway, fluffy bs, slight angst, too far in the future of this AU to be posted at this time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 12:42:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4625739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MischaBea/pseuds/Velvet-Muffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, this one shot came originally from andlifeisgrand prompting me to try something completely different in the hot middle of my writer's block/depression/anxiety problem this summer.  The original prompt was "Tony shopping at Babies 'R Us for Bruce and Bryn's baby."  But it evolved into what you see here, Tony deciding that breast pumps are terribly designed (because the are).  This is so far into the future compared to what's been written so far for this story, don't be the least bit surprised if you're confused.  Happens roughly 3-4 months after Nutrient Reconnaissance.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Tony Stark:  Pumptrepreneur

**Author's Note:**

> So, this one shot came originally from andlifeisgrand prompting me to try something completely different in the hot middle of my writer's block/depression/anxiety problem this summer. The original prompt was "Tony shopping at Babies 'R Us for Bruce and Bryn's baby." But it evolved into what you see here, Tony deciding that breast pumps are terribly designed (because the are). This is so far into the future compared to what's been written so far for this story, don't be the least bit surprised if you're confused. Happens roughly 3-4 months after Nutrient Reconnaissance.

I sat at the large rounded central table in the sixteenth floor lab. I’d chosen that particular laboratory because it was the least used. Most of the heavy equipment was located in the fourteenth floor and basement labs. It’s difficult to work in an environment filled with exes and annoyances, and that’s pretty much all the tower held for me. I wouldn’t have been there at all if my own home hadn’t proven itself unsafe in the previous weeks. With an aloof flick of my wrist, I scrolled through the schematics of the toroidal generator Stark had asked me to help him with, probably just to make me feel somewhat less useless. He was a dickweed, but he had his moments.

A loud clatter of plastic and metal against the table made me jump nearly out of my skin. “Stark! What the fuck!”

“Good to see you too, Omdahl.”

“You scared the shit out of me!” I deliberately dropped my hand from it’s 50’s housewife pearl clutching position. If he noticed the overtly pusillanimous gesture, he ignored it. “What do you want?”

He squinted around the lab, as if something was being hidden from him. “Where is the little guy?”

“Tony, I can’t bring Fen to the lab. It’s dangerous in here. You just leave things laying around. I’m pretty sure that container over there has yellow cake uranium in it-”

“That’s where that went!”

“Besides, it’s Loki’s day with him.” 

“Too bad. I like the little guy. But that’s fine,” he took the stool beside me. “We’ve got something to work on anyway.” He gestured to the pile of nonsensical parts he’d thrown in front of me.

I waved away the screen I’d been looking at to focus on the junk. “Is this...was this...a breast pump?”

“Yeah. You said you needed one. And I thought I’d get it for you, because, you know, breasts. I’m a fan of those.”

I chuckled. I was aware he was a fan of those. “You’re gross.”

He shrugged his indifference at my assertion. “Did you ever use one of these? The design is not great.”

“I had one at the beginning with Fen. I didn’t use it very often. He was just always with me. And then in Asgard, they have this crazy technology. It’s a chamber you step into and can move molecules from one place to another. I guess it can be used to remove cancer-like cells, infections, shrapnel...but it works great for breast milk. Couple of minutes in the chamber and milk is just removed right into a container for me. It was one of the only decent things about Asgard, actually.” I hadn’t really enjoyed my time there. “You know I’m not going to need this for a few more months.” I rubbed my hand across the bump blooming in my midsection. It was funny. The first time around it was barely noticeable halfway through. This time I could hardly pull on a pair of jeans two minutes after I’d peed on the stick. Nearing 20 weeks into this madness, I was already huge.

“True, but this gives us time to build something better. This thing is awful.”

We each picked up a matching hard plastic cone to inspect. 

“How do you know it’s awful? Did you try it out on yourself?” I laughed. When he didn’t respond in the negative I dropped the cone and continued in a horrified voice, “Oh god. You did. You put these things on your hairy man boobs, didn’t you?”

“All in the name of science, Omdahl. And to help out a friend. You deserve the very best in boob technology. Think about it. This thing is hard, uncomfortable, noisy. This was the most expensive one I could find. Theoretically the best one out there. And it’s terrible. We could do better. We’re going to build a better breast pump.”

“But what about the toroid-”

“That can wait. This is important. It could affect up to fifty percent of the population! It doesn’t even have to be that great to be better. But we’re going to make it spectacular.” He threw his arm over my shoulder and waved his hand in an arc through the air as if showing off a grand marquee.

“Okay, okay.” I shrugged him off cheerfully. “I see your point. We could make a lot of people’s lives easier.”

“Excellent. Take off your top.”

“What? No!”

“Why not? It’s not a big deal. They’re just fat bags. Besides, I need to know what I’m working with. You’re my muse. My breast pump muse.”

“Tony, no.” I cringed at the thought of my ex-boss, best friend of my ex-boyfriend, seeing me topless.

“What’s the big deal? Everyone else has seen them!” he articulated, becoming annoyed.

“Not everyone-”

‘Bruce has seen them.”

‘We were together-”

“Loki has seen them.”

I pointed to my permanently marked ring finger. “Married!”

“The Red Death has seen them.”

“Tasha hates that nickname. And that was a long time ago.”

“Hawkguy.”

“Extenuating circumstances.”

“So I’ve heard. Okay fine. I need some data to go on. Can I at least get some imaging on them to work with?”

“Yeah, I guess so. I’ll step into the matrix imager and it will give you all the data you need. Then if you really must, you can print replicas using silicone in the 3D printer.” I shuddered. 

“That’s a really good idea, Omdahl. Thanks. That way I can keep them with me all the time,” he teased.

At least I hoped he was teasing. I gagged a little. 

A good while later, we’d figured out the blueprint for the pump itself. The prototype would be smaller but more powerful with a large variety of suction and speed settings. The more difficult design lay in the part of the pump that attached to the breasts. It needed to be soft, pliable and fit a wide range of breast and nipple sizes. We were researching and trying out materials on the silicone falsies.

“So, Stark, you’re so into this, what do you do for your female employees? I mean, I’m asking because I do technically work for you, even though I’m just a consultant. Do I get maternity leave?”

“Sure.”

“How long?”

“Long as you want.”

“Paid?”

“Of course.”

“What about everyone else? The ladies who work in the plants and your administrative assistants and the other scientists?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do they get ‘As long as they want off? Paid’?”

“No, of course not.” He thought for a minute. “Ah. I see what you did there. JARVIS, get me Pepper.”

“Of course, sir. One moment,” JARVIS’s smooth tones rang out through the laboratory.

And in a few seconds Pepper was connected over the Starkphone system. “What’s our current maternity leave policy?”

“Same as federal law, Tony. We follow FMLA policies. They can have up to 12 weeks, paid if they have the time off stored up.”

“Thanks, honey.” He disconnected and looked back at me. “That’s good, right?”

I shook my head. “Depends on whose standards you’re going by. Here in the U.S., yeah, that’s good. Worldwide? It’s abysmal.”

“Really?”

“Really. Some countries give new moms a year. Even Google gives their moms four months. Aren’t you better than Google?”

“I’m definitely better than Google. What do you think? Should we institute six months? And then what? Three months for dads? All paid?”

”If you can swing it, sure. Stark Industries would be THE place for people with still growing families to work. It would be a huge selling point.”

“What do we do when those people are out though? There has to be a system in place.”

“Temps?”

“Temps are a logistical nightmare.”

“What about an in-house department, cross-trained in many different areas to fill in when someone is out? That would work for people out on sick leave too.”

“Brilliant. JARVIS, implement all of those changes now. And this one. He typed something into the system I couldn’t see. He pulled up a screen. “Sign this here. I need a witness.”

I shrugged and signed the screen with my index finger before going back to testing the materials. “Ooh! I like the feel of this one!” I kneaded a stretchy polymer in my hands, “feel it!”

As he grabbed the material, the door burst open and Pepper came striding through, head down like a bull. Tony jumped backwards, hands in the air, dropping the rubbery sheet to the ground.

Pepper’s raised voice resounded around the room. “What have you done? You cannot just make changes like that! We would need an a complete fiscal audit to find out if it was in any way financially feasible and an exploratory committee to determine the impact of the personnel changes!”

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” He tried to calm her. “We talked about it. It’s definitely going to work.”

“The two of you talked about it? A scientist and an engineer. Discussing the financial fate of my company-”

“Technically, it’s my company.”

She glared at him before turning to me. “No offense Bryn, but I don’t necessarily trust you on this.”

“None taken.” I shook my head. “I don’t really trust me on anything.”

“But she’s a genius, Pepper!”

“Oh, no.” I held up my finger. “Not on this stuff I’m not! As you are all well aware, I can’t even manage my own life.”

She stared at me open mouthed for a moment. “Then why would you to agree to this new position?”

“What? What position?”

She rounded on Tony again. “I cannot believe you. That’s not even a job that exists!”

“Of course it is!” Tony intoned smugly. “I just made it exist!”

“Oh god, Tony. What did you do?” I scrubbed my face with my palms, unsure I really wanted to know the answer.

He grinned, “You’re our new Vice President of Logistical Solutions!”

“What? No. What does that even mean? No.”

“Hey, you signed for it.” He sat back down at the table and picked up another stretchy material.

“You said you needed a witness!”

“I did! I needed you to witness your promotion! It's a good thing! I could use another person on my side in board meetings.”

I looked up at Pepper from my stool. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea he would just change everything. I should have known, but I didn’t. And no way I'm siding with you in board meetings, Stark!”

“It’s fine,” she replied, heading back toward the door. “I’ll figure it out.”

“Don’t change anything, honey!” Tony called after her. “We’re better than Google now!”

She stepped through the doorway with a loud groan, fists in the air and Bruce, making his way in, was forced to dodge to the side.

“Oh no.” Bruce’s eyes ping ponged between the retreating Pepper and Tony at the table. “What did you do now?”

I turned away, focusing on the task in front of me as Tony fielded the question. “I’m making Stark Enterprises a better place to work for my employees.”

“Uh huh.” He sounded unconvinced. “Did you forget that we were meeting today to go over the notes from the Marl conference?”

“Got busy.” He waved Bruce away before digging back into the machine in front of him.

“What exactly are you doing?” Bruce leaned in and caught an eye full of the falsies. “Are those breasts?” He took a sharp breath. “Oh my god. Those are Bryn’s breasts.”

I rounded on him. “I’m sorry? You can pick my breasts out of a line-up? That’s disgusting, Banner.”

“It is a little creepy,” Tony acknowledged with a raised brow.

“To be fair,” Bruce attempted to defend himself, “they were fairly significant breasts in my life. Am I just supposed to forget them?”

“Yes,” came my answer through gritted teeth, as I paid more attention than was necessary to the rubbery tube I held between my fingers.

His sigh came from directly behind my back. “You know I can’t do that.”

“Well make a concerted effort, will you?” I snapped.

Tony tried to break the tension. “Uh, you know, I could use a break. I’m going to get some refreshments. Bruce, why don’t you work on this in my place for a while?”

“I’m not an engineer, Tony.”

“That’s okay. Why don’t you two just sit for a while and try to talk it out?”

“No, you ass! I don’t have anything to say to him! And he’s already said everything to me that I care to hear-”

“Bryn,” I could here the cringing in Bruce’s voice without having to see his face. “You’re being unfair.”

I spun back around to face him on the stool. “I’m being unfair?” The shrill tone in my voice annoyed me. As much as I wanted to stay calm and cool, the underlying anger always bubbled up whenever I saw him. “Tony, can you help explain to him exactly why he’s a jackass? Tony?”

He was gone. He’d sneaked out the moment I’d taken my eye off him. Likely, he thought he was being a big damn hero, getting us to talk. His ridiculous attempt at matchmaking, the little shit.

Bruce sat next to me on Tony’s vacated stool. “I don’t want it to be like this.”

“Well, you should have thought of that before.”

“Before what? Before I was truthful with you? You are irrationally angry. I understand why, but it’s not my fault.”

A scoffing little laugh escaped my lips. “Please. Enlighten me. Why am I irrationally angry? And how is it not your fault? Go on. Tell me.”

He removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re right. That sounded condescending. I’m sorry. I just...everything I say is wrong. I can’t even figure out how to talk to you anymore.”

“Then don’t.”

“Angel, please.” He made to take my hand but pulled away at the last second, just grazing the back of it with his fingertips. “I can't stand this. I don’t want things to be like this between us.”

I looked up to see the sincere pain in his eyes. “I don’t know how to fix it. This,” I gestured toward my abdomen, “is a reality. It’s not going away, so I don’t think there’s anything to work out. You don’t want a kid and I’m about to have two. So, just, move on! I’m trying to!”

“Wait. What?” He shook his head in disbelief. “I never said that. You know there has never been anything I’ve wanted more than to have a family. A family with you.” He did take my hand then. “I said it couldn’t be mine. Not that I didn’t want it to be.” 

My first instinct was to jerk it away, but in my utter confusion, I didn’t. "Yet you refuse to even perform a rudimentary check-"

"I can't Bryn. Even the idea of it sets my nerves on edge."

"You can go now." I pulled my hand from his and turned away, hearing his sigh as he left at my request.

A few minutes later Tony returned with a couple of cups with filled with a green liquid. "So...how did that go?"

"Poorly. As you should have known it would."

He turned and leaned his back against the table, crossing his feet at the ankles. "What exactly is the deal with you two anyway?"

"He didn't tell you?"

He shrugged as he drew a long sip from his straw.

I sighed. "He's so certain this kid isn't his. He says he can't have them. He won't even do a simple test-"

"Oh that. Yeah. I know about that. He's full of shit."

"What?"

"I checked that after his last big hulk out, when he was changed for almost a whole day then was unconscious for a few hours. Don't look at me like that. He gave me permission to do whatever testing I thought was necessary."

"How? Never mind. I don't want to know. You haven't told him?"

"I wasn't sure if I should. I thought he might be a little weirded out by the fact that I'd, uh, spent time around his junk."

"Oh god. I said I didn't want to know! No. Do not tell him. Just let it go. It doesn't change anything and I don't want his alter ego to pummel you."

"Aww! Omdahl, that's sweet! You really do care!"

"I just want to get my breast pump finished."

"Sure, sure. It's fine. Pretend you still hate me," he grinned.

"I don't hate you, Tony. You annoy the living shit out of me, but I don't hate you. You might even be able to say I l...l..like you," I let the words lose like a regurgitation then reflected for a moment as he grinned triumphantly. "Vice President of Logistical Solutions? That doesn't even sound like a real position."

"Oh no. It's not. But like I said, sometimes I could use an extra friend in the board room. You know, to get votes to go my way."

"It that even legal?"

"Probably not. But what are they going to do? Fire me from my own company? Audit Iron Man? I don't think so."

I laughed, not for the first nor the last time at his bravado. "Let's just get moving on this thing."

We worked on the prototype until late in the evening. It would take several more weeks before it was ready for testing but once it was, the feedback was unanimously positive. It was moved into mass production within the year. Along with the extended maternity leave, each pregnant employee was gifted one of the pumps. After a couple of years, it became the best selling product from the Medical Equipment Division of Stark Enterprises. The changes to the leave policy pushed employee morale to an all time high. And eventually Pepper wasn't even mad about it anymore.


End file.
